What Could Go Wrong?
by angelofthequeers
Summary: I'm sure you've read it all. Perfect first kiss, perfect first time, perfect everything. But such perfection is unrealistic and, quite frankly, not nearly as entertaining as making a complete twat of oneself. If you agree with all this, then have I got a fic for you! Join Dean and Cas as they embark on a bunch of firsts...and make total idiots of themselves for your entertainment!
1. First Kiss

**Disclaimer: I don't own SPN.**

 **This idea actually occurred to me late at night, when I was reading schmoopy Destiel smut (as you do) and was struck by the realisation that stuff never goes wrong for them in fanfiction. Sure, you've got your angst and that sort of stuff that goes wrong…but you never see them make silly little mistakes when kissing, or mess up during sex so badly that they're laughing too hard to get back in the mood. Thus, this fic was born.**

 **(Also, I'm getting a short horror story of mine PUBLISHED in a BOOK and writing that broke my writer's block, so yippee!)**

"You _what_?"

Cas just shrugged, irritating Dean with how careless this gesture was in comparison to the bombshell he'd just dropped.

"I'm in love with you. I have been for years."

Dean stared at him, gaping. How could this fucker just drop a love confession on him and stand there, cool as a cucumber? That was so not fair!

"Dean?" Cas' brow furrowed with worry. "Are you okay?"

"I – uh –" Dean said – rather intelligently, he thought. "You _what_ me?"

Cas rolled his eyes. Dean couldn't even find it in him to be apologetic for teaching the ex-angel this bad habit.

"I. Love. You," Cas enunciated. "And I know that you love me back. I've felt your longing for years."

All of the blood drained from Dean's face.

"You've _what_?" he croaked. "You – you knew all this time and you just sat around and pretended like nothing was –"

"I knew that if I was to tell you, you would panic and push me away and I might ruin our relationship," Cas interrupted. "And quite frankly, I didn't want that. I settled for being your best friend, if only to have you in at least one capacity. But I'm tired of waiting. If you decide to never speak to me again, at least I can tell myself that I was honest. I've grown sick of hiding secrets. Where has that ever gotten us?"

Dean's mouth just opened and closed like a fish. Cas' bright blue eyes – the eyes that Dean had dreamed about for years, and jerked off to many times – crinkled in pain as his face fell.

"I understand if you don't want to pursue a romantic relationship in spite of your feelings towards me. I just hope that this doesn't change anything between us."

Dean's stomach jolted when Cas turned to leave the room.

' _Go after him, you asshole!'_ a voice shouted in his head. _'Don't let him leave you again!'_

Before he knew what he was doing, Dean was crossing the room to snag Cas' sleeve. Cas frowned as he was yanked around and said, "Dean, what –?" but was cut off when Dean grabbed Cas' hair roughly with his other hand and pulled the ex-angel in for a kiss.

It was quite possibly the best kiss of Dean's life. Cas' lips were plump and chapped and he let out a soft, surprised sound and melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck to press their bodies together –

At least, that was how Dean was going to choose to remember it. In actuality, the kiss went very differently. But Dean was going to bury that and suppress it for the rest of his damn life because there was no way he was going to admit that he – Dean Winchester, kissing and sex extraordinaire – had been the one to fuck it up.

What really happened was that Dean's hand – tangled in Cas' hair – caught in the dark locks and caused Cas to give a pained gasp. This made Dean's heart skip a panicked beat as he pulled back to ask what was wrong, but Cas didn't seem to get the message that they weren't kissing in that moment and he kept leaning in to catch Dean's lips with his own. Unable to retreat in time, his forehead smashed into Dean's nose and sent brilliant, lancing pain jolting straight up Dean's face, right into his brain.

" _Fuck_!" Dean bellowed, automatically doubling over and cupping his nose with the hand that had been holding Cas' sleeve. Not realising that he still had a grip on Cas' hair, he tried to bring his other hand to his nose and he ended up ripping his fingers out of Cas' messy hair and evoking a yelp from the ex-angel.

"Oh my – Dean, I'm so, so sorry!" Cas said frantically, grabbing Dean's wrists in an attempt to pull his hands away and assess the damage. "I can't apologise enough –"

That was when Dean burst into hysterical laughter, despite this causing his nose to throb even more. He was vaguely aware of Cas giving him an alarmed look but all he could do was laugh harder and try not to choke on the blood trickling down his throat from his nasal cavity.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas said warily. Dean nodded, coughing up a bit of blood into his hand and then straightening up.

"Only you, Cas," he said thickly. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to a surprised Cas' lips, swallowing the surprised gasp that Cas let out, neither of them caring about the fact that his mouth tasted like blood. "Only you."


	2. First Time Cooking

**So…I probably should have updated sooner but work has literally drained me dry (I did 27 hours in 4 days. My only consolation is my pay) and it took editing somebody's story for me to get that creative spark back. So here's an update at last!**

 **Thanks to Skyla Andrews, Minilin, dean-winchester-is-my-king, AngelisticSatan, Guest, Amy945, Tiddo-mus, jmsharp91, Dragonsrule18 and abovely girl for your reviews :)**

"Dean, may I help you prepare dinner?"

Dean shot Cas an odd look but then shrugged. He wasn't an angel anymore, so it was probably a good idea for him to learn how to take care of himself if they were ever separated. Remembering how woefully unprepared Cas had been last time – to the point where he was homeless and desperate and proud of a freaking _retail_ job – made Dean's stomach twist with guilt and he quickly swallowed down the nausea that threatened to arise inside him.

"Course you can." He hoped his voice hadn't cracked and betrayed how his insides were churning. "We're making pie tonight. Homemade pie with _real_ pastry – not that nasty frozen shit."

The smile that Cas shot him banished any lingering vestiges of guilt assaulting his insides.

"That sounds delicious," Cas said, pressing a quick kiss to Dean's cheek. Dean wanted to deny that a goofy smile spread across his face and that he raised a hand to touch his cheek but honestly, he couldn't find it in himself to care. No one else was around, so why should he?

"Great. Let's go empty all these bags and get started."

The couple dragged their groceries down the bunker stairs and through the 'war room' to the kitchen, where Cas unpacked the bags and Dean bustled around to take out all of the ingredients and utensils they needed. If anybody dared to call him 'domesticated' then he would stab them in the throat with a paring knife but, well…it was kind of nice to have a kitchen that he actually knew his way around. They'd never stayed in one place long enough for that to happen before – that is, if the place had even had a kitchenette in the first place.

"We should probably make a salad or a vegetable dish to accompany the pie," Cas spoke up. "Pie by itself may not be adequate in satiating our hunger and Sam would be pleased if he had a healthy accompaniment."

"Hey!" Dean wagged a finger. "Don't you dare take the name of pie in vain!"

"I didn't. However, with your love of pie and hatred of 'rabbit food', I wouldn't be surprised if you claimed the majority of the pie for yourself. It might be wise for me and Sam to have another dish."

Mock-scowling, Dean swatted Cas on the ass and grinned mischievously when Cas jumped away, cheeks flushed.

"Aww, you're adorable," slipped out of Dean's mouth. He froze and tensed but all Cas did was roll his eyes – a habit that he probably shouldn't have picked up from the Winchesters but had anyway.

"And you're insufferable. What would you like me to do, Dean?"

Dean relaxed. This right here was one of the many reasons he – God forbid – loved Cas; the ex-angel knew Dean inside and out (literally).

"You can work on the rabbit food. Just chuck some frozen veggies in a bowl with some water and stick it in the microwave."

"Aren't vegetables cooked on a stove? You once called the microwave the 'lazy way', or the 'leftovers way'."

"True." Dean smirked at Cas. "But I'm not eating them, so why should I care about them being done the lazy way?"

Cas rolled his eyes to high heaven but he was smiling, so Dean just pecked him on the mouth and got started on measuring out what he needed for the pie pastry. He'd just started to roll the pastry out when, all of a sudden, there was a loud explosion and a crash. Acting purely on instinct, he tackled Cas to the ground and covered his lover's body with his own, protecting him from whatever had invaded their kitchen and was rearing to kill them.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean forced out when the kitchen fell silent. "What the hell happened?"

Cas shot him a look that was half-bewilderment, half-sheepishness.

"It seems that the microwave has exploded," he said. Dean blinked, stared down at him, then crawled off to let Cas sit up, still staring at the ex-angel blankly.

"I can see that." Now that he was upright, Dean could see the smoking husk of the microwave on the counter above them. "What the hell did you do?"

"I…I just did as you asked." Cas' brow furrowed as he recounted the steps he had taken. "I filled a bowl with frozen vegetables and water and put it in to cook."

"Well, that shouldn't've done that! Did you put anything else in? What bowl did you use?"

"Does that matter?"

"Yeah! If you used one of those metal bowls we've got then no wonder the thing went off with a bang! You don't put metal in a microwave!"

"No, I used a glass bowl. But…"

"But what?"

Cas looked down at the floor.

"I may have left the fork that I used to stir the vegetables in there," he mumbled. He looked up at Dean, who was still staring at him blankly. "But I swear, Dean, I didn't know! I'm sorry –"

He was cut off by Dean's long, loud laugh. Still half-underneath Dean, he could only watch with a puzzled look as the man doubled over with raucous laughter, slapping the floor and taking in choking breaths of air, only to release them as more laughter.

"Dean? Why are you laughing? Aren't you angry that I broke the microwave?"

Dean shook his head, tears streaming from his eyes, and he cupped Cas' face and yanked him in for a kiss that was punctuated with regular hiccups as Dean managed to calm down.

"Only you," Dean wheezed. "I swear to Christ, Cas. Only _you_."

Cas still looked confused as all hell but that just made him look ten times more adorable. Dean just shifted so that he could straddle Cas' lap, the ex-angel propped up against the cupboard behind him, and press their lips together. Thankfully, Cas still went along with it and reciprocated, wrapping his arms around Dean and groaning softly into the kiss. Dean didn't know just how far they would've gone on the kitchen floor – not all the way, but probably sans clothes – if they hadn't been interrupted by the giant moose that also shared this roof with them.

"Jesus Christ, guys! What the hell happened?"

Dean broke away from Cas to shoot Sam a grin over his shoulder.

"Cas just had a crash course in putting metal in microwaves. Next time, we're gonna stick a fork in a toaster."

He ignored Sam's muttered, "Jerk," in favour of kissing Cas again because really, who cared about annoying brothers when there was an adorably confused ex-angel underneath him?


	3. First Time as Husbands

**So…nearly four months of silence. I'm alive! I've just been busy with my new job (getting out of my old one saved my headspace SO much) and I've been working on my own novel series! I just have to finish outlining two more books and then I can start writing and I actually think I'll finish this bit of original work :D**

 **(And then my laptop crapped itself and I had to wait a month for a new one and didn't have access to Word, so there's that)**

 **Mildly NSFW but sexy times don't actually happen, so your smol, (not so) innocent eyes are saved.**

 **Thanks to Amy945, Skyla Andrews, Dragonsrule18, Samanthawolfe, masterjediratgrl31, DestielstarOfSupernaturalClan, monsterswagger, MeTheMagicalMuggle and Jawn Lennon Aid for your reviews :)**

"Mr Winchester," Dean mused in a low voice, revelling in the feeling of warm, prickly skin under his tongue and lips. "Mr Castiel Winchester. I like the sound of that."

Cas' long, low moan reverberated through his throat and seemed to travel all the way from Dean's lips to down south.

"I also like the sound of that," Dean added with a small, sly grin. "And I plan on hearing that a lot more tonight."

He kissed his way down Cas' throat, slowly lowering himself into a crouching position as he did so, and by the time he began to unbutton Cas' crisp white shirt, the ex-angel was slumped against the wall and openly panting. Dean grinned to himself. It was so easy to rile up the guy, who hadn't been human for nearly as long as normal humans and so wasn't as accustomed to sensory overload, and he loved using it to his advantage every time. Just like their first time, when he'd had Cas up against the wall and then –

Dean shook his head to dispel the thought. Thinking about the first time he and Cas had had sex would just make him laugh, and he was trying to go for a sexy mood, not a funny mood. Once Cas started laughing, it was nearly impossible to get him to stop.

"Dean," Cas gasped, sucking in a large breath of air. With each button undone, Dean pressed kisses to the tanned skin revealed and with each kiss, Cas visibly lost more and more composure. This was always Dean's favourite part about the sex. It wasn't about getting off; it was about taking this normally stoic, emotionless angel and making him fall to pieces, then putting him back together all over again. And what really got to Dean was that only he had the privilege of seeing Cas like this. Only he got to see Cas this ruffled and flustered, and only he got to worship Cas' body and touch him like this.

Once Cas' shirt was hanging open, Dean grabbed handfuls of the shirt and suit jacket and heaved himself from his knees back to his feet.

"Wanna take this to the bed?"

The only answer he got was a sharp exhale. Cas' eyelids were fluttering and his mouth was hanging open and goddammit, Dean had never seen anything more beautiful in his life and if he could just have Cas like this all the time, he'd never be upset again.

"Gonna take that as a yes."

He trailed his hands down Cas' bare chest, pausing to flick his nipples and revel in the choked breath that Cas gulped in, and then he smoothed his hands down Cas' fabric-covered thighs and around to his ass. Cas jumped violently when Dean squeezed and Dean chuckled darkly before resting his hands just underneath Cas' ass.

"C'mon, sunshine."

Cas' arms snaked around Dean's neck and gripped tight and then Cas jumped, allowing Dean to hold on tight while he wrapped his legs around Dean's waist. Dean turned and began to stagger over to the bed – but, just his luck, something _had_ to happen. And by something, he meant doing the one thing that you should never do when trying to sexily carry someone: trip over. Of course their bags had to be in the way. And of course Dean had to stumble that way, out of every other direction he could have gone.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean shouted when he found himself toppling back. He lost his grip on Cas in an instinctive bid to break his own fall, but he hadn't counted on still having a man on top of him when he fell. Cas' weight landed on his chest, wrenching his arms out from under him and causing him to bang his head on the polished wooden floor, and all he could do for a minute after that was lie there with his eyes squeezed shut and his body exploding with aching pain.

"Dean?" Cas said, his face buried in Dean's chest. Dean's stomach fluttered at the concern in his husband's voice (dammit, that one word was enough to turn him into a freaking girl). "Are you okay?"

Dean stretched out underneath Cas, groaning when his limbs twinged from the fall.

"Really startin' to think we're cursed," he complained. "Jesus Christ, everything seems to go wrong with us!"

Instead of letting his arms fall back to the floor, he draped them loosely around Cas and closed his eyes, trying to calm down enough to get back in the mood. But then they hit another hurdle, in the form of Cas' body shaking.

"Cas?" Dean said immediately. "You okay? Did I hurt you? Shit, I'm sorry –"

His sentence was cut off by Cas raising his head and crushing their lips together. Dean let out a startled squawk, which was swallowed by Cas' mouth as the ex-angel crawled further up his body to deepen the kiss, and all Dean could do was close his eyes and lose himself in the sensation of plump, chapped lips working against his own lips.

"The hell?" he croaked when Cas pulled away for air. Cas stared right at him, his pupils blown wide and his teeth digging into his bottom lip.

"I'm afraid that I might laugh," Cas said hoarsely. "And if I do, I will utterly ruin the mood. I'm trying to stop myself by kissing you until you are back in the mood for sex."

Dean's eyes flickered down to Cas' parted lips.

"Yeah…" he said. His tongue darted out to lick his own lips, Cas' eyes zeroing in on this action. "Yeah, I don't think I mind that."


End file.
